I, for one, love social media. I spend an exorbitant (see: large) amount of time on a few different networks. It’s actually a problem that I’m working through, but that’s another post for another day. I mentioned it, because – one of my favorite things to do, especially on Twitter & Instagram, is look at love stories, proposals and weddings. I enjoy seeing people in love and seeing the expression of the same. With this, I’ve also become a master of lurking because Instagram is a snitch. Can’t let too many people know about my g-deficiency.
I digress.
My generation is the most connected, and most oversharing group of people, like, ever. It’s easy to see how so many of us can fall into the trap of comparison, and lead ourselves kicking and screaming into a spiral of “why not me Lord?” It’s pervasive, and persuasive. Constantly ingesting carefully curated images on a daily basis has become an ever-present catalyst for self doubt.
The latest viral trigger was born from the hashtag #ForeverDuncan. As the story goes, a man decided that he wanted to propose to, and marry his long term girlfriend, all in the same day. It apparently took a great deal of planning, her whole family was there, and of course with her being surprised, she had a full on moment where she caught the Holy Spirit upon entry to her own wedding. It was beautiful, to many people. So beautiful that, memes started popping up across the web, saying things like:
foreverduncan
or…
foreverduncan
Girl.
Just stop.
The newly-wedded Duncans are seemingly happy, but what we don’t know is what the journey to the altar looked like for them. Even with the pieces people share… no one’s out here telling you about their infidelities, or the knockdown drag out fights that were overcome to get to the pedestal you’ve placed them on. Not saying that they had them, but… I do know that no relationship is perfect. Not. A. Single. One.
And yes, it’s on you. When you find yourself getting annoyed at the constant onslaught of engagement and wedding photos on your Facebook timeline and you start wondering why it’s not you in them… you’ve already let yourself slip into a place that can get you desperately messed up. They don’t tell the whole story. That’s why #relationshipgoals are trash. Basura. Garbage… and should be treated as such.
If you’re fighting me on it, it’s time to check your heart. Your journey and your process are what will shape you into the person that you need to be, so that you can walk into the life that YOU are destined to live. God’s plan is the realest. And you gotta believe it… otherwise you’ll be constantly frustrated. How do I know? Well, I’m glad you asked.
I go through it…more often than I’d like to admit. I haven’t conquered it, and sometimes, I find myself pulling a Drake.  I still catch myself wallowing in my feelings. #ItsAProcess. Thankfully – I can now recognize quickly when I’m about to be sucked in. It’s in those moments that I have to remind myself of the promises God made to me, and that even when I can’t see what’s next, that whatever God has for me is better than what I could ever begin to imagine. The biggest step is surrendering, and not just the easier things… The difficult things too. Relationships are that. 100. Especially when culture is telling you that you’ll be an old cat lady if you’re not married by the time you’re 27. As someone who just hit 27 +1, believe me. You’ll be alright.
Singlehood is an opportunity for us to really tap into what WE’RE really about. It’s not a death sentence. It does, however require a mindset shift to live in it fully.
I mean honestly how are we supposed to tell someone else who we are if we don’t know ourselves, fully? How can someone really love you if they don’t know you? Would you marry someone you don’t love? If you say yes, think about what you’re settling for. It’s not the best that you could have, and it’s definitely not the most desirable life that God would have for you. I believe that marriage is really intended to help you get to your purpose – to have a partner to help you accomplish the mission God has you on in this crazy thing we call life. The key word there is YOU. The person reading this right now. Galatians 6:4-5 (MSG) says this:
Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don’t be impressed with yourself. Don’t compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.
At the end of the day, we all have PLENTY of work to do before we walk into relationships with other people! So take the time to be your single self. Take care of you. Be great. With love.